


Dinner dates and doctor appointments

by tonysta_k



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt and comfort, Illness, M/M, as will warnings, more tags will be added as the story continues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-13
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2018-02-21 07:42:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2460347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonysta_k/pseuds/tonysta_k
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius was curled up on the couch, multiple blankets wrapped around his body; head resting on a mountain of cushions. After only getting a hour of sleep last night; the exhausted male was just dropping off into a much needed sleep. His eyelids were dropping and he could feel himself being pulled into a land of sleep and comfort. Just as his eyes completely closed, however, they shot back open at the sound of his front door opening and two sets of shoes walking in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Darcy, whom is a lovely, lovely person and'll do great in the exams that she currently has. This was going to be a oneshot, but I thought that it'd be better as a multi-chaptered fic. I hope you enjoy. :)

It was a quiet day in the area of which Sirius Black's house was placed. It was early; six am to be exact. The sun was just rising and there were few people out on the street. If you stood outside you could hear the leaves rustling as the wind blew, and the gentle crunch of them when people stepped on them. There was a lack of clouds in the sky; which was a change for England. The weather itself was chilly; making it the perfect sweater weather. It was one of those days that as a family you would all dress up warm and have a day out together. The parents would insist on walking 'for just five more minuets' and the children would whine loudly at the instruction.

 

However, Sirius had no plans on leaving the house. No plans of moving out of bed, for that matter. He just wanted to stay in bed and sleep. And if he couldn't sleep, then he would try to sleep. He would not, however, under _any_  circumstances, leave the house.

 

For two days now, Sirius had stayed inside after catching some bug off his best friend's wife, Lily. One minuet Sirius felt sick, and then he felt fine. One minuet he was cold and the next he was too warm. His appetite could change in the blink of a eye. He could be eating something and then suddenly feel like he needed to throw up. He was also suffering headaches. His head went from fine to thumping in 0.2 seconds.

Both James and Lily had tried to get Sirius to go to a doctor but he completely ignored the two of them. So today, the couple decided that actions were stronger than words.

Sirius was curled up on the couch, multiple blankets wrapped around his body; head resting on a mountain of cushions. After only getting a hour of sleep last night; the exhausted male was just dropping off into a much needed sleep. His eyelids were dropping and he could feel himself being pulled into a land of sleep and comfort. Just as his eyes completely closed, however, they shot back open at the sound of his front door opening and two sets of shoes walking in.

"Sirius get your ass out of bed, we're here to take you to the doctors." Lily's voice sounded through the house; the sound of the door closing behind her following shortly.

Sirius groaned loudly at this, eyes shutting. Why did he give his best friend a set of keys to his house? He was so close to sleeping and now he had no chance of it. Not whilst Lily and James were there, anyway. 

 

James walked into the lounge and shook his head in amusement at his best friend, wrapped up on the couch like a cocoon.

 

"Come on, get up, you're going to the doctors." The messy haired male said, sitting Sirius up with a heave and patting his cheek teasingly.

 

"Fuck off James. Not leaving the house." Sirius' reply came in a mumble; eyes shut and chin tucked to his chest.

 

"I know you don't want to leave the house, but you're ill and you need to see a doctor." James said, putting a hand on Sirius' blanket clad shoulder.

 

"God Sirius, Harry's easier to take care of than you." Lily said as she stepped into the room, referring to her young son. She looked at her husband. "You get him some tea and I'll unwrap all the layers of blankets. God James, I didn't realize when I married you I'd be marrying your best friend too."

 

"We're a package deal Lily, you can't take one without the other." Sirius replied, laughing to himself which soon turned into a coughing fit.

 

Eleven unwrapped blankets, a lot of whining, and a flask of tea later; the three were in the car and on the way to the local doctors.

"Are you alright back there Sirius? You're awfully quiet and making no comments on my driving." James said.

Lily looked over her shoulder, seeing that Sirius had fallen asleep with his head resting against the window, mouth slightly ajar.

"He's asleep." She stated, turning back to look out the front window. "Which is good for both him and us."

"He can be dramatic." James replied as he drummed his fingertips against the steering wheel.

Lily hummed, "Very dramatic."

ooOoo

They got to the doctors after a ten minuet drive; James and Sirius now sat in the waiting room so Sirius could be seen. The doctors surgery itself wasn't very big. There were ten doctors and five nurses altogether. There was one waiting area where the reception was also based, and twelve rooms which were either a doctor's room or a nurse's room where blood tests and vaccinations were given out.

 

"Mate you're boiling." James said as he put his hand against Sirius' forehead.

 

"No, I'm cold." Sirius said, curling up on the seat and putting his head on James' shoulder.

 

"Are you sure? Because your forehead is-"

 

"Yes I'm sure." Sirius whined. "I know how I feel James."

 

"Alright, don't get your knickers in a twist."

 

"Sirius Black, doctor Lupin will see you now." The receptionist called.

 

"Doctor Lupin? Is he new?" James asked Sirius, who got up and shrugged his shoulders at the question.

 

He shuffled over to the receptionist's desk, "Where's the room to see Doctor Lupin?" He covered his hand as he coughed.

"That door there." The receptionist replied and pointed to a door that had a sliver plate on with 'Dr. R. Lupin' on.

 

Sirius turned his head and went over to the door; knocking before walking in.

 

Remus looked up from his computer when the door opened, smiling when he saw a young male walking in who looked about the same age as him.

 

"Hello," Remus greeted politely and gestured to the seats in front of his desk, eyes focused on the sniffling male as he sat in a seat. "How may I help you?"

 

"I think I'm sick." Sirius replied, voice stuffy and thick.

 

"Well that would be the reason to come to a doctor's surgery." Remus said with a small laugh. "What're the symptoms you're having?"

 

"I feel hot then cold. I have a appetite then I don't. I want to throw up then I don't. I can't sleep. I feel like shit."

 

Remus nodded at the information, "And what's your name? I need to bring your file up on my computer."

 

"Sirius Black." Sirius stated miserably.

 

Remus nodded, typing Sirius' name onto the computer. "They've given me some of the other doctor's patients due to the fact that I'm new doctor in this area and some of the doctors have been off ill themselves." He explained.

 

Sirius nodded. "So you'll be my doctor from now on?"

 

"That's correct," Remus said and turned to look at Sirius with a smile. "Is that okay with you?"

 

Sirius nodded and watched as the doctor turned back to the computer and typed and clicked away. He watched his fingers press the letters on the keyboard and click on the mouse. He noticed how there were scars on Lupin's fingers, and when Sirius looked up to see he doctor's face, only then did he even notice the scars that were littered on his cheeks and nose too. The way they were randomly scattered across the pale skin. The scars on Remus' face intrigued Sirius. 

 

"What's your name?" Sirius asked, raising a hand and wiping his nose with the back of it.

"Mm? What did you say sorry?" The doctor asked, turning his head and giving Sirius a smile. 

 

"What's your name?"

"Remus."

Sirius nodded. Remus. That was a cool name. It was original, kind of like Sirius. Sirius had never met anyone else called Sirius. Or Remus, for that matter.

"Right, I'm going to need to take your temperature and a few other things so I can diagnose you with something if needed to." Remus said.

Remus got up from the chair he was sat on from behind his desk and opened a drawer, getting a small rectangular box out.

Sirius was taken back a bit. Remus was much taller than he had first expected. He was six foot at least, whereas Sirius was roughy five foot eight. And although the height difference wasn't a lot, when Sirius was sitting down, he felt intimidated by his new doctor.

Remus opened the box, revealing a ear thermometer. He got it out of the white box with his forefinger and thumb, laying it on the table before putting the box back in the drawer.

"If I can place this in your ear, so that I can see what your temperature is," Remus said, now stood in front of Sirius. 

 

He walked over to Sirius and gently placed his hand around the long haired male's chin before gently but stably placing the thermometer in his ear.

Sirius closed his eyes at the feel of Remus' hand on his chin. His hands were large and cool, providing somewhat of a comfort to Sirius.

The thermometer made a small beep and a reading came up on it.

After that, Remus had a look at Sirius' tonsils and glans, checking if they were in danger of infection.

"With the reading of your temperature -thirty eight-, but no signs of infection, it's clear that you've got the bug that's currently going around. I recommend that you keep warm and say inside, eat light foods and drink plenty fluids. Take pain killers to help deal with the pain and try to get some sleep. If you're still not well in a couple of days, then come back."

Sirius nodded and rose from his chair. "Thank you. And I like your tie."

Remus looked down at his tie and laughed at the moon pattern before looking up at Sirius. "Thank you. It was a present."

Sirius smiled, raising his hand at the doctor in a wave before leaving the room.

*

Over the next few days, Sirius slowly got better. He made sure that he got the right amount of food and fluids in him and that he rested well. It was the doctors requests, after all. Getting better was a bittersweet thing for Sirius, however. He was glad that he was better - that he could go back to work and could actually sleep. That he could keep food down and that his head wasn't changing how it felt every minuet. But now that he was better, he had no reason to go and see Remus. Was it weird that he wanted to see someone again that he hardly knew? Maybe it was, but Sirius didn't care. He missed the feeling of Remus's hands resting on his chin; hearing his  _delightful_ laugh, and seeing his smile. Sirius didn't think that it was weird at all. James, however, did.

"Mate, you saw him once, because you were sick, and now you think he's the love of your life?" James teased as he walked out of his and Sirius' work place.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "I'm not saying that he's the love of my life, James." He said, stepping out of the way to let a woman and her young child walk past them. "I'm saying that he's hot. And that he seems nice. And that I wouldn't mind taking him out to dinner sometime."

"But you don't even know him, it's creepy."

"A lot of people don't know the people who they go on dates with. They just meet them and ask them out for dinner."

"Okay, fair point-" James nodded. "-but you do realize that you looked like utter shit when you saw him, don't you?"

"I never look like  _utter shit_ , thank you very much." Sirius replied. "I just didn't look as hot as I usually do. That's all."

"Of course, how foolish of me." James laughed.

"I already have a plan on how to see him again."

"Go to the doctor's, fake that you're ill, and then keep doing it until he asks you out?"

"You know me too well, Jamesy."

"Don't remind me."

-

It was now a week and three days after Sirius had seen Remus last, and he had even gotten James to help him with his plan. Much to James' displeasure, due to the fact that Lily would kill him if she knew that she was helping Sirius out with a plan as stupid as the one that they were going to carry out.

"This is the most ridiculous thing that I've ever done for you." James said with a shake of his head as he drove Sirius to the doctors.

"I thought the most ridiculous thing you've done for me is run naked through the common room when my parents disowned me."

"This comes a close second."

"You could of put your hands  _there_ when you were running."

"I wasn't thinking."

"And then you fell over someone's bag." Sirius laughed, a snort audible from the male.

"I'm sure Peter put that there on purpose."

"It wouldn't surprise me. How long did you have detention for again?"

"Two weeks. And I got the letters off my mother telling me that I was in trouble when we went home for summer break."

James replied as he turned a corner. "That was until she found out why I did. Then she was less pissed about it."

Sirius smiled, "Your parents were good to me."

Sirius stepped into the doctor's surgery and went to the receptionist, asking if he could see his doctor. After the receptionist nodded, Sirius took a seat and waited to be seen by his doctor.

As he sat there, he thought back to the conversation that he was having with James in the car. It hadn't come as a surprise to Sirius when he was disowned by his parents, he had seen it coming and was surprised that they hadn't done it sooner. But it still upset him. To be disowned by his family, for them not even trying to talk with him to see if they could work things out. Sirius knew that it more than likely wouldn't of worked, but at least he would of known that they tried and that they cared for him. He didn't understand how they could simply not care for their own child. He knew he acted up. And that he had different beliefs to what they did; but surely if they had really cared about him they would of at least tried. 

 

Sirius was dragged out of his thoughts when he heard his name being called by the receptionist, instructing him to go and see the doctor.

He got up, walking past the other people waiting to be seen, and going to the door which opened to reveal Remus.

"Oh, hello Sirius," Remus said with a small smile and gestured to the seats. "Take a seat."

Sirius sat down on one of the seats with a smile. Remus remembered him.

Remus yawned, putting his hand over his mouth and shaking his head. "Sorry about that, I didn't get too much of a good sleep last night," He apologized.

Remus got up from his seat and winced when he did; immediately closing his eyes and placing one hand on his back and the other on the table. He should't of gotten up at such a fast pace. And feeling as horrible as he did, he didn't think it was a good idea that he got up at all. He sat back down and opened his eyes, taking a slow and deep breath.

"I take it you're not feeling too good today?" He asked Sirius, managing the smallest of smiles.  


 

Sirius now legitimately felt terrible. Remus seemed to be in actual pain, and Sirius was sat there, pretending to be sick so he could hit on Remus. "Just headaches." he replied, voice coming out small. He coughed, "You know, really bad ones." His voice now sounded unsure and he was tempted to run out the door. How could he be so inconsiderate?

 

Remus nodded, "How long have you had them?" He asked. 

 

"A few days."

 

"Have you hit your head recently?"

 

"Not that I can remember."

 

"Are you under stress at work? Family, maybe? Any stressful things happening at the moment?"

 

Sirius bit his lip at the mention of his family but firmly shook his head. "Everything's fine, really. Nothing huge has happened."

 

Remus hummed, "And you haven't hit it? You're sure?"

 

"I'm sure."

 

"Okay. I'm going to do a check just in case."

 

Remus checked Sirius's head for a concussion.

 

"Anything there?" Sirius joked after the examination was done.

 

"Nothing." Remus replied, referring to the fact that there was no concussion before he caught on to the joke. "I mean, yes, I mean," he sighed and turned to look at Sirius apologetically. "I'm sorry. I'm really not with it today."

 

Sirius shook his head with a smile. "Honestly, it's okay." He replied. "Are you alright?"

 

Remus nodded and took his seat behind his desk. "I'm fine. Nothing I'm not use to." He replied.

 

Sirius pushed his eyebrows together at Remus' answer.  _Nothing I'm not use to._ Was that suppose to imply that Remus often felt as bad as he seemed to today?

 

"Anyway, you're all good and you can go. Take some painkillers if the headaches continue and if you feel the need to, please come and see me again." Remus said after a few seconds of him last speaking.

 

Sirius got up, "Thank you for your time. I hope you're feeling better soon." He smiled before leaving.

-

 

"Let me get this right," James said, sat in the car with Sirius, as James drove back. "You faked being sick, he  _is_ sick, and now you feel bad?"

 

Sirius nodded, "I feel like a prat, James." He replied. "I'm such a idiot, why did you let me do this?"

 

James ignored the question. "Are you still going to ask him out?"

 

"Maybe," Sirius sighed. "I don't know what to do. I feel like a dick for today."  


 

"I'm sure you'll get over it, Sirius. And just ask him out. Don't have these ridiculous plans."

 

Sirius faked a gasp and put his hand over his heart, "James! How dare you suggest such a vile thing! You can not say that, you're a Marauder! Doing things like this and making up ridiculous plans is what we do."

 

"Maybe when we were younger, in school, but we're older now, I have a wife, a child, I have responsibilities, Sirius."

 

"But James-"

 

"But nothing Sirius, don't you think it's about time you grew up too?" James asked. "I know you claim you love being irresponsible and childish, that you love your pranks on me and others at work, but  _we_ don't. They're stupid and getting out of hand."

 

Sirius looked at his best friend as if he had just been told that he had a few days left to live. He looked down at the car floor, hands clasped together. "Pull over."

 

"What?"

 

"I said, pull over." Sirius' voice was stern. 

 

James did so, and as soon as he did, Sirius took his seat belt off. He got out of the car, slamming the door after him and starting to walk down the road.

 

James groaned at these actions. He loved his best friend, really he did. But he was under stress with work and with Lily. He hadn't meant what he had said. But James tended to be harsher than necessary when he was stressed and annoyed. He decided he would let Sirius walk home. Over the years, James had found that it was better to let Sirius calm down in his own time, rather than try and interfere. Unless he felt like he really had to.

 

Sirius walked further and further away from where James' car had pulled over, walking with his head looking down at the pavement. He occasionally kicked a stone or piece of litter that had been left on the ground. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and he was biting his lip to hold back the sobs that were attempting to escape from his mouth. He tried to focus on his breathing. In and out. In through the nose and out through the mouth. He felt something wet on the top of his head and looked up to see grey clouds were haunting the sky, raindrops falling from them, making it look as if the sky was crying. Sirius continued to walk at a calmed pace, not speeding up at all when the rain started descending at a rapid pace.

 

By the time he got home he was soaked through to the bone. His clothes felt heavy and awkward on his slender frame, and his hair was stuck to the back of his neck, face, and forehead. His boots felt as though they were the holders of mini oceans, making his socks and feet the ships. He kicked his boots off and removed his coat, leaving it on the floor next to his boots. He then walked up stairs and across the landing and to the bathroom, leaving damn footprints along his carpet. He discarded his clothes; leaving them in a damp clutter under his sink. ooOoo 

Stepping under the hot water of his running shower, Sirius let out a joyous moan escape his lips. His head tipped back in pleasure, the hot water now accessing the skin which covered Sirius' neck, shoulders. collar bones, and chest. He grabbed a sponge and the soap, lathering the sponge and rubbing it against his skin.

Sirius couldn't help but be curious about how his life would of been if he hadn't been disowned by his parents. If he hadn't of been put into Gryffindor. If he hadn't of roomed with James and Peter; if he had different friends; different morals. Everything would of been so different. What would his life be like if Sirius had stayed close friends with his brother? That was the big question; the important question; the _emotional_  question.

ooOoo

Sirius sat cross legged on his couch, a thick blanket draped over his lap. He held a bowl of chicken soup in his hands, waiting for it to cool down whilst his eyes were fixed on the TV program about long lost family members. Since the conversation with James about his parents, Sirius couldn't get his mind off what use to be his family. He subconsciously licked over his lips; a trait that he did before he cried.

"Joanne is forty two and hasn't seen her daughter since she gave her up for adoption at birth. Stay in tune after the break to see what happens when they are reunited."

The program changed over to a series of adverts and Sirius leaned his back against the couch, head tilted upwards so his eyes were staring up at the white paint of the ceiling.

As soon as Sirius felt tears on his cheeks; dampening his skin, he moved his hands quickly and wiped his eyes. This action however. caused Sirius to drop the bowl of hot soup.

 

"Fucking hell." Sirius groaned irritably and covered his eyes.

 

Today just wasn't his day.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning; This chapter includes very small mentions of self hatred and mental health- nothing _huge_. However, I understand that people an be triggered by writing/mention of self hate and mental health and therefore I wanted to mention it in the notes.
> 
> Thank you for all of the lovely comments and feedback - they honestly make my day and push me to write chapters quicker. Hopefully they'll be a chapter up every week, but with college and so forth, I can't promise anything unfortunately. I hope you like this chapter, and again, thank you for all the feedback and stuff. I love you all.
> 
> P.s the end of this chapter has gone really weird. I typed it out so that it was all structured properly but for some reason it has messed up. It won't let me change it but I'll try my best to when I can.
> 
> Any questions or whatever that you want to ask, you can contact me by tumblr - jilyaredeaddoe.tumblr.com or my instagram - acciogayships.

The next morning came all too quickly for Sirius. He hadn't gotten to sleep until half four, and when he eventually did; his sleep was haunted with nightmares and flashbacks of his childhood. The warmth of the sheets gave Sirius such comfort, and the pillows were delightfully soft for his head to rest against. And it was his day off work, so why should he have to get out of bed? He shouldn't, that's why. But what the problem was was that Sirius was one of those people who couldn't sleep once they had woken in the morning - unless not feeling well.  It was unfair, really, that he couldn't get back to sleep. Because all he wanted to do was sleep. To hide away from the world and reality. From James and others. From his responsibilities and jobs that needed to be done around the house. He debated to himself -  _lazy day, or active day?_ Eventually, after minuets of looking at the pros and cons of each option, Sirius decided that he should do things. Maybe it would help him keep his mind off things. He got dressed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, which when he was leaving he would cover with a coat. It was a surprise to him that he didn't have a cold from walking home in such horrific weather last night, but he was also grateful. He didn't want to get sick. That might mean he'd have to see Remus. And he already felt like he never wanted to show his face to him again after being so insensitive. He checked his phone, seeing that he had five messages off James. With the mood Sirius was in, he decided it was best to leave the messages till later to answer. He slipped the phone into his jean pocket. The male ventured downstairs, grabbing a quick breakfast of a cup of coffee before leaving the house.

-

Now in the shop, he got a shopping trolley before pushing it down the aisle that stored items such as cereals, biscuits, bread, bagels, oatmeal, and so on. He grabbed a box of cereal off the shelf, putting it in the trolley, then adding a loaf of bread and two packets of biscuits as well. He went through other aisles; adding more into the trolley. He wasn't necessarily adding stuff that he needed; more like he was adding stuff in that he wanted. He had decided on the drive to the shop that he would stay in for the night, order pizza, and watch terrible old fashion romance films in order to cheer himself up. And in order to do that, junk food was a  _necessity._ He stood on his tiptoes, reaching up and struggling to get a packet of noodles; when he heard a voice.

"Here, let me help."

Sirius turned around, cheeks flushing red at the sight of the person whom stood in front of him.

-

Remus stood in front of the patient he had seen yesterday, a small smile on his chapped lips as he held the packet of noodles for Sirius. He was dressed much more casually than how he dressed for work. His black work trousers had been replaced with a pair of grey joggers; his white button up shirt and black jacket replaced with a over-sized, moth bitten jumper. His feet were comfortably placed in a pair of converse and his wavy hair was covered by a beanie.

"Being tall helps sometimes." He said with a laugh, then placing the packet of noodles in the trolley before turning his attention back to Sirius. "Is your head feeling any better today?

"Yeah, uh, a lot better, thanks." Sirius replied with still red cheeks.

"Glad to here it, any idea what might of been causing them?"

Sirius shook his head quickly.

"Maybe it's because you shake your head so quickly." Remus laughed. "I best be off, I've got some other things to go, it was nice seeing you."

Sirius nodded and gulped before he answered. "Nice seeing you too."

Sirius watched as Remus walked away and mentally slapped himself. He felt like he was back in school and was watching his crush.

He continued to do his shopping, making sure he didn't run into Remus again. He did, however, run into two other familiar faces.

"Sirius!" Harry shouted, the six year old letting go of his mother's hand and running to see his Godfather.

Sirius couldn't help but smile. He might be pissed at James, but he wasn't going to take it out on his kid.

"Harry!" He shouted back just as loudly, bending down and catching Harry in his arms.

Standing up, Sirius held Harry up on his hip. "I'm surprised your glasses didn't fall off with the speed that you were running." He laughed, pressing a kiss to Harry's forehead.

Harry smiled proudly before replying,"I can run faster than dad, and dad can run really fast!"

"Faster than dad?" Sirius gasped. "Are you sure?"

"Yep!" Harry said and gave the man a toothy grin. "That fast!"

"How many times have I told you not to run off when we're out?" Lily interrupted their conversation, looking at her son with raised eyebrows and arms folded over her chest.

"But mum, I know Sirius!" Harry replied. "You said not to go to strangers - Sirius isn't a stranger!"

Sirius bit his lip back, not letting his laughter escape. Harry had so much wit and sass; Sirius never failed to see the resemblance between him and James.

"Harry, I don't care if you saw your favorite cartoon character in the shop - you do not leave me side."

"Sorry mum." Harry said with a pout before turning to look at Sirius. "Are you coming over for tea tonight? Dad said that you're always lonely and eat shit food."

"Harry!" Lily frowned, holding Harry's chin and turning his head to look at her. "What did you just say?"

Harry's eyes widened. "Sorry mum." He knew when he was in the wrong.

"Don't let me hear it coming from you again." Lily said, letting go of her son's chin and looking at Sirius. "Seven thirty, dinner at ours."

"Um, sure, okay." Sirius replied, a bit taken back by what Harry had just said.

"Come on Harry, if you want to get that magazine of yours and go to the park we need to get going." Lily said. "Say bye to Sirius - you'll see him after."

"Bye Sirius, see you after!" Harry said, jumping out of Sirius' arms and running down the aisle; Lily shaking her head and walking after her hyperactive child.

-

When Sirius got back to the house, the words that Harry had spoken were still drifting through his mind. He wasn't lonely. And the food he ate wasn't _completely_ shit. He made himself a cup of tea and sat on his couch, pulling his phone out and seeing that he had two new text messages. Lily. He unlocked his phone; first reading James' messages.

_Yesterday, 19:34_

_Mate, I'm sorry. Are you okay?_

_20:15_

_I feel like a dickhead, I really am sorry._

_20:23_

_Sirius, really, ignoring me? You're not being very punk rock._

_20:25_

_Okay that was weird. I haven't said that in years. But come on - you can't ignore me forever._

_22:00_

_Dinner tomorrow at mine, text you the details tomorrow. Wow, I sound like a teenager._

Sirius then read Lily's messages.

_Today, 14:00_

_About what Harry said, as much as I hate to say this Sirius, it's kind of true._

_14:03_

_Sorry I sent that too early, still getting use to this new phone. Anyway, James and I want to talk to you tonight. See you then._

After reading the texts, Sirius threw his phone on the cushion next to him and took a sip of his tea. Instead of thinking about what he had just learnt his best friend thought of him, he thought about Remus. The male had looked so different in the shop that Sirius was surprised that he had recognized him. Remus had such a handsome face, and his facial features, along with his outfit, had made him look although he was a student at university. Sirius cringed a little. Did he really have a crush? At his age? Maybe he did need to find someone. Maybe he was lonely.

-

Sirius spent the rest of the day doing paperwork for work, making numerous cups of tea and eating nearly all the biscuits he had bought. At half six, he took a shower and changed into smarter clothes to go to James and Lily's.

Sirius sometimes caught himself jealous of his best friend. James was so together with everything. He was brilliant at his job, he had a wife and a child, a house and a car. He was a brilliant dad and husband. He had numerous friends, and in no way as messed up as Sirius. He wasn't messed up at all really, in Sirius' eyes, anyway.

Sirius, however, was very messed up. He spoke to no one in his family, he had two,  _two_ close friends, lived alone, and as for his mental health status, he didn't even want to go there. At times, Sirius just didn't see the point in anything. He didn't understand why he had even been placed on the earth. He hadn't achieved anything in his twenty six years of life - was there still a point of trying? In the back of his mind, Sirius knew that he  **had** achieved things. That he  **would** find the true reasoning why he was placed on the earth. But when he was down, he failed to see all the positivity struggled greatly to see those reasons.

"Come on, you can do this." Sirius sighed, stood in his full length mirror and looking at himself.

Sirius was determined to pull himself out of his negative thinking; to put himself in a positive frame of mind just whilst he was around James and Lily's. And if not, he would just fake it, If had worked in the past, so he didn't doubt that he could still pull it off and fool James and Lily.

Deciding not to think anymore about the negativity in his life or in his past, Sirius grabbed his coat from his bed before exiting the house and making his way over to James and Lily's.  
-

"I'm just worried about him, Lily." James sighed as he helped his wife set the table.

"I know that, so am I, but this is Sirius we're talking about, I'm sure he'll be fine." Lily assured James, resting a hand on his cheek and giving him a quick kiss on the lips. "Stop worrying so much about him, if he feels like he needs help then he'll say something."

But James knew all too well that that wasn't always the case. Knowing Sirius since he was eleven, making it fifteen years of friendship, James knew all the tricks that Sirius played. All the faces he put up. His fake attitudes towards things, and most of all, the fake smile that he wore all too often. He knew that Sirius had a large amount of self-loath, that sometimes he wasn't as stable as people may think he was. And it made James anxious, at times, to watch as Sirius showed off his fake smile and people completely bought the act. Not realizing how broken the man they were speaking with truly was.

"Dad look, I'm Dudley!" Harry's voice came from the door.

Both James and Lily turned the head to the doorway, seeing Harry had shoved a pillow up his shirt and puffed out his cheeks; giving the impression that he was the size of his cousin.

James didn't even bother to hold back his laughter. He left out a loud laugh, hand resting on his stomach as he doubled over in laughter.

Lily, however, covered her mouth with her hand to hold back her laughter and shook her head. "Harry, that's-" she was cut off by her husband.

"Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!"

Harry laughed, smiling proudly that he had made his parents laugh. "Why don't we see Dudley and aunt Pet and uncle Venom anymore?"

"It's Vernon, Harry." Lily laughed a little; walking over to her son and kneeling down, taking the pillow from underneath Harry's clothing. "And it's because, well," She turned her head to look at James for help.

"It's because not all families are close." He explained, kneeling next to the dark red haired female.

"But, families should stick together because what if you were in trouble and you needed your family?"

James was quick with a reply to answer this time. "You don't have to be related to someone to have them as your family." He said with a smile. "I mean, look at uncle Sirius. He doesn't have the same birth mum as I do, or the dad for that matter, but he's always been my brother, my parent's second son, and your uncle and godfather. And I'll always be his brother, my parents will always be his parents, and you'll always be his nephew, and godson. Get it?"

Harry nodded, "I understand." He said with a nod of his head before running off into the lounge; most likely to play with his toys.

Lily smiled, turning to look at James. "That was a really sweet way to explain it."

"I try." James laughed.

-

Sirius arrived at James' house after a half an hour drive, parking his car behind James' in the driveway before getting out. He walked up to the front door, ringing the doorbell and waiting for a answer. From the other side of the door, Sirius could hear little, quick footsteps before the door opened.

"Mum, uncle Sirius is here!" Harry called, taking Sirius' hand and dragging him in. Sirius shut the door after him.

"We're in the lounge." Lily called back.

Sirius followed Harry into the lounge, smiling a little and raising a hand in greeting to James and Lily.

"Sit by me." Harry demanded, jumping on the couch that Lily and James weren't sat on, and pulled Sirius next to him.

"Well if I _have_ to." Sirius teased.

"Food's nearly ready, shouldn't been too long." Lily said with a smile. "Do you want a drink of anything?"

"Um, just a glass of water's fine." Sirius replied.

Nodding, Lily got up. "Come on Harry, you can help me." She said, walking out to the kitchen with Harry following behind her.

Sirius wasn't stupid; he was far from stupid, actually. He knew that Lily had made this situation so that he and James could talk. Food was probably still half an hour away from being done.

"Look, about yesterday." James sighed, looking at the other male. "I didn't mean what I said."

"Then why say it?" Sirius asked, looking at James with a blank expression on his face. "You wouldn't say it unless you meant it, right?"

"Sirius you know me better than anyone - you know that I mess up sometimes. We all do, surely you can forgive me."

"Oh course I can forgive you James." Sirius replied, his tone was cold, despite what he had just said. "But I won't forget."

-

Dinner that night had to be one of the most awkward thing the three adults had ever experienced. Harry was oblivious to all the tension and awkwardness that was in the air. No one except Harry said a word, and even when he did, it was just some babble about what he wanted Santa to get him for Christmas, or what he was learning about at school. Sirius didn't speak a word whilst he ate; either eating forkfuls of food or drinking the occasional sip of water that he took from his glass. He stayed completely silent - well, unless Harry was talking to him. He wasn't going to ignore him. However, if James spoke to him, he would simply shrug a shoulder, nod his head, or shake it. Lily didn't speak to Sirius - not out of ignorance or spite though. She just didn't want to get caught up between Sirius and James. Although she knew she already was.

"Mum, can uncle Sirius read a story to me?"

Before the redhead could reply, Sirius did. "Of course I can Harry." he said, raising from his chair and following an excited, almost bouncing Harry upstairs to his room.

-

 

Harry's room was everything that Sirius' childhood room was not. The walls were painted a bright red with animated characters and posters on them from Harry's favorite shows on. His bedspread was various characters from Harry's favorite film, Bambi. There were stuffed animals sprawled out messily on his carpet and some on his bed. There were multiple boxes of toys around the room. He had a small, wooden desk that was home to a small television, a colouring set, and colouring books. Next to his bed was a nightstand with a small lamp on it and a family photo of Harry, James and Lily. There were three shelves at the end of Harry's bed, holding all different story books and photo albums. 

 

Sirius and Harry went over to the shelves, Harry raising his arms up to Sirius so that he could be picked up in order to choose a book. Sirius picked him up. 

 

"It's getting close to your bedtime, isn't it Harry?"

 

 Although there was a pout on his lips and his arms were folded over his chest, Harry nodded. 

 

"Well, how about you get washed and changed and then I'll read you a story or two?" 

 

"Will you make some up?" 

 

"Only if you go and new washed now." 

 

Deciding that this was a good deal, Harry jumped down from Sirius' arms, grabbed his pyjamas and ran out to go to the bathroom. 

 

As Sirius waited, he sat down on the bed, looking around the room. It wasn't that he hadn't seen Harry's room before - of course he had seen Harry's room before. It was just that everytime he was in there - he was sure that there was even more in his room than last time. Sirius didn't think of it as a bad thing though - in fact, in a way, he was glad. James and Lily were so amazing to parents. They, in Sirius' eyes, were how every parents should be. Gender wise not including though. What he meant, was that they should be as loving and caring as James and Lily were. They should always be there for their child - taking off a day from work to tend to their child if their ill and not just leave them with some random nanny. If the child falls then the parent(s) should be there to pick them up and ensure them that it'll be okay. That it'll always be okay - no matter what life throws at them. 

 

Sirius was pulled out of his thoughts by a poke on his nose. He looked in front of him to see that Harry had got changed for bed. "What book do you want me to read first? Or do you just want one long made up one?" 

 

Harry pulled a face, his 'thinking' face; his small hand resting upon his chin. "One long made up one." Sirius got up, allowing Harry to get into bed and make himself comfortable before he sat back down. "Can it be one about you and dad?" 

 

"Sure - I don't see why not." 

 

- 

 

After telling Harry a made up story, which contained some truth in it about himself and James, Sirius placed a small kiss on -the half asleep- Harry's head and went back downstairs. 

 

"I best be off - wouldn't want to take up to much of your time." And with that, Sirius exited the Potter's house.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is a sad puppy who needs a cuddle.
> 
> He gets that cuddle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are multiple trigger warnings that apply to the beginning of this chapter;
> 
> (Kind of) Mental health  
> Possible self harm  
> Body issues  
> Self loathing  
> Nightmares  
> (Kind of) Gore  
> (Kind of) Abuse
> 
> It isn't heavily detailed or long, but I don't want to trigger anyone off.
> 
>  
> 
> I am so sorry that I haven't updated in so long - I've been busy with college and other things. But here's the next chapter - I hope you like it! Thank you everyone for all the lovely comments, bookmarks, hits and kudos on this story so far!

One week later

Nightmares. Nightmares almost always occurred when Sirius had been in a self-loathing mood the day before. The worst part of them, he thought, was the fact that he always knew what they meant and the meaning behind the creatures that lurked around in them. If he didn't know what they meant, he was sure that they wouldn't bother him so much. That way, he could just forget about it and not have to dwell on it. They wouldn't raise his anxiety and make him feel as though there was no point of getting out of bed. But he did know the reason behind them. He could easily work out what aspects of his nightmares meant small things and what meant larger things. What represented what and who represented who. If the nightmare was based on his past, present, and sometimes his future. They were all equally breaking. His past made him think of his family, and that was never good. If the nightmare contained James or Lily or anyone whom he socialized with, it always made him anxious and worried about the next day. They often lead to panic attacks and calling into work to tell them that he couldn't make it in. Although that was only twice, but on both times he didn't move from the bed. He just spent the day in bed. Too scared to sleep and too anxious to move from the safety of his bed. The nightmares about his future had the ability to make Sirius on edge all day, with every task he faced. They worried him about what his future was going to be like. About if he would ever really be okay with himself and the way he was.

Sirius woke up in a cold sweat and sat up, hands pressed into the mattress as he looked around the room for any signs of anything moving. He almost screamed when he saw the curtain moving; but soon realized that it was just the wind blowing it. He lay back down and stared up at the ceiling. The nightmare hadn't been about his past, present, or future. Which was odd, but it didn't make it any better. As always, he could remember the nightmare perfectly. 

He was stood in front of the full lengthened mirror that hung in his room. The room was almost pitch black, yet he still managed to see his reflection. He was naked, apart from a pair of boxers. He didn't even recognize his body. In fact, if he hadn't of seen his face, he wouldn't of thought that it was him at all. His usual tanned skin was a sickly pale colour in the nightmare, and his body was extremely thin. His hips and rib cage were visible in his reflection and it made Sirius uncomfortable to see himself like that. To add to the horror, his body was full of bold, red scars and black inked writing.

Loser.

Freak.

Worthless.

Unwanted.

Disgusting.

Those were just a few of what the nightmare Sirius had on his body. In the nightmare, he remembered putting his hand out slowly and cautiously. Reaching out to touch the glass. As if to see if it really was his reflection. If it really was him. But just as his hand pressed against the reflecting glass, a hand gripped his shoulder. The hand was bony, long fingered with claw like nails and ice cold skin. He could feel the coldness of the hand, as if it was real. He knew who the hand belonged to, although he couldn't see the body that it belonged to. He then felt the nails digging in viciously to his shoulder, and he cried out in pain; knees bending and his head tipping back. When he saw blood ooze out, he woke up

Feeling tears sting in the corners of his eyes, Sirius pressed the bottom of his hands over his eyes in a desperate attempt to keep them inside his body. He didn't want to cry, not because he was embarrassed -there was no one but himself was even in the house-, but because he knew that once he started, he wouldn't stop.

 

At work the next day, he was in a foul mood. He hadn't even said good morning to the secretary, Marlene. And they always greeted each other in the morning. But he was in no mood to socialize. Which wasn't ideal, as his job required him to spend the day on the phone with people, in meetings, or having people into his office to speak to them. Today, was officially the worst day for him to be in such a negative mood. He had job interviews with people. He couldn't even ask anyone to do it for him, seeing as the position people were being interviewed for was for his personal assistant/secretary.

When he got into his office, he sat in the large leather chair and leaned back in it, closing his eyes. Any other day would be okay, he thought. But he knew that it was better for him to get on with things so that he didn't have the chance to dwell on things. That was never a good idea for Sirius. There was a knock on his door; making Sirius' eyes open. He checked his watch, thinking that he had dropped off to sleep. The watch told him it was only nine o'clock; he hadn't dropped off to sleep. But surely the first interview wasn't this early? He could of sworn that the first one was at half eleven at the earliest. The door was knocked again.

Come in." Sirius grumbled irately, watching as the door opened and James stepped in.

James rolled his eyes at Sirius. Since the night that Sirius had come over for food, the two had made up. Sirius realized that he had been overreacting and James apologized - he really hadn't meant to sound so horrible. The two had hardly seen each other since that night, accept for when they had made up. They worked on different floors and Sirius knew that James had been busy with Harry and Lily.

"I'm on my way to get a coffee, you coming?"

Sirius looked at the book on his desk that he kept all the appointments and meetings in. He checked to see if he had anything, and found that he didn't have anything until twelve - the first interview. "I'd love to." He followed James out the door.

So, Harry tells me that you told him the story of how you and I replaced everyone's pillow covers with black bags in second year." James smiled as he walked down the hall with Sirius.

Sirius laughed. In reality, James and Sirius had stuffed black bags full of food waste from the kitchen and put it on Severus' bed and taken his pillows. But Sirius had changed it, knowing how Harry would probably try and do the same thing to James and Lily for a laugh. "Well, I have to keep the generation of pranksters going. Harry needs to know the ways of a true Marauder."

James nodded. "True. Thanks for changing it a bit though, you know what Harry's like when he gets a idea." He bit his lip and spoke again. "Lily's set up a date for you."

Sirius stopped in his tracks, staring at James. He was hoping that it was a joke. That James was going to burst into laughter and say something along the lines of, 'You should of seen your face!' But he didn't.

It wasn't my idea, she just doesn't want you to be upset all the time." James said, looking at Sirius with his arms folded over his chest. "She said the guy's genuinely nice, you know Lily, she wouldn't set you up with someone who's a dick."

Sirius didn't have the energy to fight. "When and where?"

Tonight, eight o'clock,

"Where am I going with this guy? What's his name? What does he look like?" Sirius was full of questions. He felt like a child. Although he was never allowed to ask many questions when he was younger

"Zizzi's - the Italian restaurant. I don't even know who the guy is myself. I tried to find out but you know what Lily's like. She said that it's a surprise for you." James replied as they walked.

Sirius groaned. He hated not knowing things. Especially when they involved him. "Fine. But how do I know who may date is if I don't know what they look like?"

"Lily said to look for the 'tall man wearing a jumper'."

"So that narrows it down to about everyone, then."

James laughed. "She said that when you see him, you'll know."

On the way to getting their coffees, which made Sirius feel like a teenage girl in college, the two walked past a bunch of woman who worked on the floor below them. Sirius guessed that they had come up here on their break, why, Sirius didn't know. And to be quite frank he didn't care either. But they were all just so annoying. There was one woman among them - Rebecca, that had a certain.. liking of Sirius. He was flattered, in a way. It was nice to know that someone had a interest in him, but Sirius wasn't straight. His attraction to the female gender had never been strong, ever since he was a boy. He had figured out he was gay in the fourth year of school. He hadn't been surprised by it, but he didn't go shouting it out to everyone. And that was purely just because he didn't want his parents to find out from someone. But anyway, back to Rebecca. Now, even though he was gay, he found Rebecca attractive. It isn't like just because he isn't attracted to woman that he can't tell if their attractive. Although many people -annoyingly- think that that is the case. 

Rebecca was shorter than Sirius, but with the heels that she wore to work, she was about the same height. Maybe a little shorter. She had long black hair and light blue eyes. Her eyebrows were natural - a light brown colour, that made Sirius almost convinced that her hair was dyed. For the last few years, she had flirted with him. Always insisting to get him a coffee if she was at the coffee machine the same time as he was. Always having a look of mischievousness in her eyes. And although Sirius had told her that he wasn't interested in females at all, she just didn't seem to get the message.

"Hey Sirius." She called out as he and James walked past her and her friends, who all giggled. Wow, it really was as if he was back in college.

"Ladies." Sirius said flatly, not wanting to encourage them. Yet they still all fussed among each other as if they were the cheerleaders and Sirius was a jock.

James couldn't help but laugh. He found all of this amusing, obviously.

Sirius shot him a look.

"I'm free for lunch today!" Rebecca called. Sirius cringed at the desperateness in her voice.

Sirius ignored her, not giving her the satisfaction of a reply. "Remind me again why you're straight?" He asked James teasingly when they were away from the group of woman.

James laughed, "Because I love Lily?"

"Ah yes, Lily." Sirius laughed.

-

After getting their coffee, James and Sirius went back to their own offices to get back to their jobs. The two worked in different departments of the building, so they only saw each other if they were on lunch. Although sometimes they would work through lunch in order to get their work done.

Sirius leaned back in the chair that was placed behind his desk, bringing the cup of coffee up to his lips and taking a sip of the strong tasting liquid. When he was younger, he had never liked coffee. He had always found it too strong and sour for his liking. But as he got older, he grew to like it. He also realized how well it worked when he needed to stay up to early hours of the morning to complete work for classes. He felt the hot liquid run down his throat and closed his eyes, relaxing as he lay his head against the back of the chair. He needed to be careful in case he fell asleep, but the coffee would help with that. There was a knock on his door and Sirius' eyes opened, viewing a woman standing in the doorway of his office.

"Can I help you? Sirius asked, putting the cup down on his desk and sitting up.

"I'm Jenaline Jackson, I have a interview with you?" Sirius was sure that she didn't mean for that to sound like a question.

Burrowing his eyebrows together, Sirius got his appointment book and checked if she was right. She was. He just hadn't seen it when he had checked before getting coffee.

Sirius looked back up at the girl, straightening his tie and sitting up more. "Take a seat."

The girl sat on the seat that was placed on the other side of the desk. She was a small girl, with dark brown eyes and curvy hips. She was smaller than Sirius by a few inches, which she didn't bother trying to cover up by wearing heels.

Sirius wasn't the type of employer to purposely make the people he interviewed nervous. He didn't want to make them feel intimidated or put them under pressure. Sirius was aware that they were already nervous because they were having a interview, he wasn't going to be a horrible person and make their anxiety raise. Instead of sitting with his arms folded over his chest and a stern look on his face, Sirius leaned his arms on the table and gave Jenaline a warm smile.

So, what makes you want to apply for the position of my personal assistant?"

Well, I've just finished university and the job seems like a good position for me to use my qualifications to their full potential." The female smiled.

Sirius nodded. "What are your qualifications?"

Jenaline went on to talk to about what she was qualified in, as well as telling Sirius the answers to the other questions that he asked.

-

On his lunch break, Sirius sent Lily a text so he could get the details about the date she had set him up with.

12:45

Hey Lily, James said something about you setting me up on a date with some guy?

12:53

Hey Sirius. Yes. Before you even try - I am not telling you who it is. You'll find out.

13:07

But Lily.

13:11

But Lily nothing. You'll know who it is when you get there. Oh, and take him flowers!

Sirius rolled his phone at the text. He had been feeling too much like a teenager lately with woman fussing over him and giggling and dates.

13:12

Alright, will do.

 

-

The rest of the day flew by. Sirius was busy with interviews, paper work, and other various tasks that he did. He didn't even get the chance to check the time. So when James stopped by his office and asked him if he wanted a lift back to his house, Sirius was surprised to see that it was time for him to clock off from work.

"That'd be great, actually." Sirius responded, getting up and sliding his coat on.

Sirius lived a fifteen minuet walk away from his work place, so if the weather was nice enough, like it was today, he would walk to and from work. But it was already five thirty, and Sirius had a date (the word still made him cringe.) He would need to have a shower, dry his hair, choose a outfit (at this point Sirius was convinced that he was a teenager and not a twenty six year old business man). So a lift home with James would be the best option.

-

The two stepped inside of the elevator, James pressing the button to take them to the ground floor.

"Will you stop by the flower shop on the way back to mine?" Sirius asked, remembering what Lily had said about the flowers.

James shot Sirius a questioning look; one bushy eyebrow raised and a look of general confusion upon his facial features. "Sure. Why?"

"Your wife seems to think that it'll be a romantic gesture if I get flowers."

"Ah," James replied with a nod. "I understand."

"What flowers do I get him? Do I get a big or small bunch? What if he doesn't like them? What if I don't get the right ones? What if he's allergic to them? What if they're not the right colour?" Sirius rambled.  
James rolled his eyes at his best friend. "I don't bloody know. What about roses? You can't go wrong with them. They're classic."  
Sirius nodded, feeling himself calm down. "Good idea James. You're genius."  
"I know."  
-  
Sirius got home at six. He was so anxious it was riddiculous. He had a quick shower, making sure that he smelt fresh and that he used enough shampoo and condition to get his hair to stay fluffy throughout the night. After that, he got dried and got changed. He then proceeded by drying his hair, which didn't take too long. Thankfully. By the time he was dressed and ready to go, it was already ten to seven. It took a good fifteen minuets to get to the restuarant, he had no idea what this guy looked like, and he was going to be late on the first time that they met. Great.  
-  
Sirius arrived at the restaurant at just gone seven. So he wasn't to late, that was okay, right? He easily parked his car, which was a change as there were normally no parking spaces. Especially around Christmas time. He got out of his car, the bunch of roses in his hand. He could feel his hand shaking and told himself to pull himself together. He crossed the street, noticing a man stander outside of the restaurant. Sirius couldn't see his face as the man had his back turned to him. But he was in a jumper, and he was tall. So, maybe it was him? Why couldn't Lil just of told him who it was or at least his name or a description. Stepping onto the pavement, Sirius felt his nerves kick in. And when the man turned around, Sirius' eyes widened and he wanted to run in the other direction.

Remus.

He was going to kill Lily. How could she do this? Sirius really felt his anxiety start and had to tell himself repeatedly in his head that it was going to be okay.

Remus smiled at Sirius and Sirius had to make himself smile. He was too nervous for this.

"You look great." Remus smiled when Sirius was in front of him. "These are for you." he continued, holding out a bunch of flowers. White roses.

Sirius couldn't help but laugh. "And these are for you." he held out a bunch of red roses.

"Well, great minds think alike."

They swapped flowers and Remus offered Sirius his arm and nodded his head in the direction of the door of the restuarant. "Shall we?" he asked.

Sirius linked his arm with Remus and followed him inside.

-  
They sat down at a table that had been booked for them. Sirius was still nervous but he could already tell how sweet Remus was. He had opened the door for Sirius and pulled his chair out for him. Sirius hoped his nerves would go away soon. He wanted to be able to enjoy this date.

"Did you know about this?" Sirius found himself asking.

"About coming on this date? Well, yes. Otherwise why would I be here?" Remus asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Of course, sorry. I mean, how did this happened? I didn't know that you were friends with Lily."

"I'm not, but her son, Harry isn't it? Had an appointment with me during the week and she set it up. So I'm amusing that you must of said something to her about me. And I mean, if you weren't going to ask me out when you pretended to have a bad head, someone had to do it for you." he winked.  
Sirius' heart rate sped up. "Wait, you knew?"

Remus chuckled, "Of course I knew. I mean, I'm not stupid. But you're acting isn't the best."

Sirius' cheeks had never been so red. He was sure of it. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay, really." Remus said with a smile. "I've had many people flirt with me believe it or not."

Sirius could definitely believe it. Remus was attractive - light brown hair, pale but scarred skin, slender. Maybe Sirius' description of him didn't flatter Remus. But Sirius definitely found him attractive.  
-  
As the night went on, the date went smoothly and Sirius found himself laughing more than he had in weeks. Months maybe. Remus was such a kind and bright person - always knowing what to say and when to say it. By the time the desserts menu came, Sirius was nearly in tears from laughing so hard at a joke that Remus had told.

"I don't think I can eat dessert, how about you?" Remus asked, sat across from Sirius with a small smile on his lips.

Sirius shook his head, "I don't think I'll be able to eat for the rest of the night at least."

"Ready to go the?"

Sirius nodded and got up, "I'm just going to go to the toilet." he said, leaving the table.

Sirius had never felt so many emotions at once. He was happy - Remus seemed almost perfect. He was still nervous - he could still slip up and say the wrong thing, He was anxious, but that was just due to the fact that he was nearly always anxious about something. He was sad - he didn't want the date to be over quite yet. But Sirius didn't want to invite Remus back to his - it was too early for that. Right? It was bittersweet.

When Sirius got back to the table, Remus stood up and got Sirius' coat, holding it out for him as Sirius slipped his arms into his. His cheeks were red.

"I guess we should get the bill." Sirius said as he picked up the bunch of flowers Remus had gotten him, Remus getting his.

"We could, but I've already gotten it and paid for it."  
Sirius looked at him, "You didn't have to do that, I could of paid for my own. I have money, let me give you what-"

Remus interrupted him, "it's fine. I wanted to pay."

Remus took Sirius by the hand that wasn't holding flowers and exited the restaurant with him. The pad of Sirius' thumb was against a scar on Remus' hand; he rubbed his thumb against it.   
The air outside was cold and suddenly Sirius wished that he had a scarf and a woolly coat. But soon enough, after a couple of steps, Remus wrapped his arm around Sirius and Sirius didn't even stop himself from leaning his head against the other male. As they walked, they saw all the Christmas lights that were around the city. It made Sirius feel oddly warm. People walked in the street in the same and other direction as the couple, and both were glad to see that their was no pointing, whispering or staring. People were obviously far too busy and occupied with their own things to care about the two male. And that was a good thing, Sirius thought. Because the only people who should be in a relationship are the ones in it.

Sirius realized that the date wasn't over yet. They had been walking for a good few minuets now, either silently or Sirius had just been two busy in thought to know that Ben was speaking.

"I'd really like to see you again, if that's okay." Remus said.

Sirius smiled, "That would be more than okay."

After walking a bit more, just enjoying the company of one another, Remus announced that he had to get going. The two exchanged numbers and hugged before walking back to their cars.

-

When Sirius got into his bed that night, he couldn't stop smiling, The image of Remus stayed in his head and the warmth of his body could still be felt. The laughter of the male could still be heard and Sirius could still feel the touch of his large hand pressed against his back when they had hugged. He didn't care if he sounded like a teenager anymore. He was happy.  
He fell asleep peacefully and with a smile on his lips.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the feedback/comments/kudos/hits! It means a lot and helps me to write knowing that this story is liked by you guys.
> 
> This chapter is different to the others as it is told from Remus' point of view instead of Sirius's. I may do this more often, changing the point of view from Sirius to Remus as it helps with writter's block and I personally think it's nice and refreshing to see the story from both of their view's.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you for sticking with me and the story!
> 
> Also, I would like to thank my girlfriend for being my beta for this chapter.

Remus sat in the drivers seat of his car and smiled. He hadn't felt so happy in a long time. He rested his head against the headrest of the seat, eyes closing. It had been a long day for him, but he was glad that his health had managed to stay at a level where he could still be productive. And even if it hadn't of, he would of still worked his way through the day. He needed the money from work and he wouldn't of wanted to miss the date (he was glad that he hadn't missed the date). Eyes now open, he started his car and made the journey back to his house.

-

He walked into his house, kicking his shoes off by the front door but keeping his coat and scarf on. He hadn't put the heating on before he left the house but he was now wishing that he had.

He walked to the kitchen, spotting Albert (yes as in Einstein), his lump of a cat curled up on the floor sleeping. That cat slept more in one day than Remus did in a week.

Remus knelt down, ignoring the pain in his back and gently rubbed the tabby's head with his forefinger. Soon enough, purring could be heard and the cat rolled over on his back so his belly could be rubbed.

Remus chuckled, "I suppose you're hungry, aren't you?" And as if the cat could understand Remus, he opened his eyes and stood on it's four legs, pushing it's back up into the air as it stretched.

Remus got back up, gritting his teeth together, eyes squeezed shut as he put one hand against his lower back where the pain emerged from. He needed to make an appointment soon with his physiotherapist. This was getting ridiculous.

He fed Albert, giving him what was left of the cat food (less than half a tin) and scraps from a packet of ham that was soon to being out of date.

The heating now on, the tall male made himself a cup of hot chocolate (no, he was not too old for it) and took two biscuits (also chocolate) from the tin. 

The clock that hung on the wall informed him that it was now nine o'clock. Just in time for that film he wanted to watch.

He made his way into the lounge, sock clad feet shuffling against the carpet as he held the hot cup between his hands, biscuits resting between his fingers. He sat down, placing the items on the coffee table. He got back up, however, to turn the television on before he sat back down again, throwing a blanket over him and pressing the button on the remote.

-

The film didn't meet the expectations Remus had formed. And the reviews that he had read online were false. Oh well, he thought to himself. There's always other films to watch.

It was now ten thirty three and Albert was curled up on Remus' lap, asleep. Throughout the film, Remus had had a total of three cups of hot chocolate and a whole packet of biscuits.

He looked up at the ceiling and reflected on how his day had been.

He had been busy today, people frequently coming into his office. Most of them didn't have appointments, but that was perfectly okay with Remus. You can't schedule when you're going to feel ill. Other doctors at the surgery would refuse patients that had not made appointments - but not Remus. He knew how people needed to be seen to as soon as possible. It wasn't their fault that they weren't able to predict this type of stuff. Most of them had a cold or the flu -which did not make Remus think of Sirius at all-. Others had appointments to get a subscription to get more medicine and some had seen Remus to get information about vaccinations that were available.

He had left work at four o'clock, and stopped in a cafe to get something to eat. He had worked through his lunch break, wanting to be able to see as many patients as he could. People seemed to favor Remus as a doctor, but Remus wasn't sure why. Maybe he was just good at his job. There wasn't anything special about him, that's for sure. Anyway, after his small meal -which was more of a snack- of a sandwich and bottle of water, Remus headed home.

He had gone straight in the shower, getting ready for his date with Sirius. He hadn't been sure what to expect with the other male - but he sure knew that he didn't expect him to be so sweet and adorable. With the way Sirius looked - long black hair, tall, black clothing and combat boots, you wouldn't think that he could be so shy. Remus made a note to himself that looks did not define a person.

After that, he had gotten dried and changed, before leaving the house. He stopped in the florist before making his way to the restaurant.

He had been nervous as he stood outside waiting. The fact that he was first made him worry that Sirius wasn't going to show up at all. But when he saw Sirius, his nerves had reduced and changed to nerves mixed with excitement more than anxiety.

Remus didn't go on many dates. His health sometimes stopped him from doing basic things, let alone have an amazing social and love life. But he tried his best to do what he could. He managed to make it into work most of the time, he didn't like letting his health determine what he did. Although sometimes he had to do things depending on what his health was like.

He looked at the television, seeing that a rerun of Friends was on. Remus had a day off tomorrow and he didn't have a strict plan of what he was going to do, so he placed Albert next to him and went in the kitchen for yet another cup of his favourite hot beverage to enjoy whilst watching TV.

-

He woke up the next morning at ten, which was far too early for him considering that he hadn't gone to bed until two. At first he just lay in bed, eyes closed but back in absolute agony. He could feel Albert asleep on his feet, which was actually comfortable for Remus, even though with the weight of Albert it shouldn't have been.

Remus only decided on the actual day of his day off what he would do. He liked to decide in the moment and be a bit spontaneous. Which he couldn't do at work, being a doctor and all. He weighed out options, taking the pain in his back into account as well.

He decided that he would take a shower and eat breakfast (along with his medication) before deciding what the plan for today would be.

-

By the time he had washed and eaten, his back wasn't as bad as it had been. The pain was't completely gone, Remus still knew it was there, but it was a bit more bearable. The medication had helped.

So, the plan for today. It looked windy outside, and like it was going to rain. So a walk was out of the question. He didn't need to (and didn't want to) go food shopping or run any other errands, so he decided that he would drive somewhere. But where? And with who? He thought about asking Sirius if he wanted to meet up, but then he realized that he might be working. And it could possibly be too soon. Heck, Sirius might not even like him that much. That would be awkward. Pushing negative thoughts out of his head, Remus decided that he would see if Dorcas would like to meet up with him. He hadn't seen her in a while.

Remus and Dorcas had gone to school with each other. They were best friend and at one point tried to date. But it was far too awkward and they went back to being best friends instead. After they finished school they had gone to different universities that were close to each other, and even when Remus was in medical school and Dorcas had started work, the two remained good friends.

Dorcas lived an hour or so away, and like Remus, worked most days. So when she text Remus back saying that she was free and would love a catch up - he was glad.

-

They had arranged to meet in a cafe that was in town. Remus wasn't fond of town, but he knew that Dorcas adored the cafe. So he didn't complain or bring the topic up over text.

He was now sat at a table in the cafe, waiting for Dorcas to arrive. He was always the first person to arrive, and it was something he liked about himself. He liked to be punctual. His head turned up from his phone when he heard the door open, eyes spotting Dorcas and his chapped lips forming into a smile.

Dorcas looked at Remus, a smile now on her lips as well as she made her way over to the table.

"It feels like forever," she laughed as she hugged Remus. "how've you been?"

"I've been okay, new job's going good, mum's doing alright, don't see her much though." he decided not to say anything about the date with Sirius. It might not even end up as anything and then he would just feel like a fool for mentioning it at all. "What about you?"

"I'm doing good, Benjy's moving in and I got a promotion at work." Dorcas smiled.

"That's good to hear, I'm glad you're doing well." Remus replied. He was genuinely happy for Dorcas. She had grown up with problems and issues involving her family. It was nice to see that she was doing well.

"Have you found yourself anyone yet?"

 

Remus had seen this question coming but hadn't prepared a answer. Should he say something about Sirius? He didn't have to mention a name or anything about Sirius. He certainly wasn't going to say anything like 'I think I've found the one'. That was something you reserved when you actually knew the person and were with them. Not something you told people when it hadn't even been twenty four hours. "I went on a date." he found himself saying. "It was okay."

"Do you like him?"

Remus shrugged a shoulder. "I guess." he lied. "It's too soon to tell."

The two caught up on pretty much everything. How their jobs were, friends and family, plans for the future, and other typical stuff that you catch up on when you meet someone you don't get to see a lot.

"Do you want to come with me to pick some things up?" Dorcas asked. "It's just a couple of books I ordered from Waterstones, they emailed me yesterday to say they've come."

Remus nodded his head. If he got to spend more time with his best friend and possibly pick up some new books for himself, he was definitely in.

"That sounds good to me. We can take my car in and then I'll drop you home."

Dorcas had told him that she had caught the bus into town, her car being used by Benjy (who was busy moving his stuff in).

"You're too kind, you know that?"

"I try." Remus laughed.

-

The pair stepped into Waterstones and Remus found himself smiling. Books had always been such a love for Remus. He cherished them. They always seemed to be able to comfort Remus when nothing else could.

Dorcas made her way over to the desk whereas Remus went over to look at the gay literature. 

It really annoyed Remus how there was only a limited amount of gay literature and the rest was all heterosexual. He had nothing against heterosexual literature or people who were of that sexuality, but he found it unfair how there was more heterosexual novels and books than there was than books including people of the LGBTQIA community. And it wasn't like there wasn't enough of it - because their was.

He scanned the shelves, eyes reading over the covers and admiring the different covers. One caught his eye, The Art Of Being Normal by Lisa Williamson. It was a hardback book and the cover was able to come off. He read the description -that was on the inside- and nodding to himself. It sounded good and he decided to buy it. He was sure that it was a young adult book, but twenty five wasn't that old. And if Remus wanted it then he would have it.

He went back to the counter where Dorcas was waiting.

"I doubt I'll see you before Christmas, so here." she smiled and handed him what he know knew were books wrapped in decorative paper.

"Dorcas," he whined. "This really wasn't necessary of you to do."

"Oh it's fine. We always buy for each other."

Remus sighed in defeat. "Thank you." he smiled and paid for the book that he had chosen off the shelf.

-

After dropping Dorcas back home, Remus went to Tesco so he could pick up some cat food. He ended up buying some other things as well, also stopping in the DVD shop to rent out a DVD. He chose, The Great Gatsby. He liked the book and he hoped that the film would be accurate. He hated it when films didn't stay true to the books.

He had enjoyed his day out with Dorcas, and had managed to ignore the pain in his back and other joints as much as he possibly could.  
-

 

Remus was greeted by a purring Albert when he walked in, the cat affectionately rubbing against Remus' ankles.

"I would like this if you weren't just kissing up to me for food." Remus said to his cat and shut the door after him.

Did he talk to his cat too much? Possibly. Did he care? Not at all.

-

He had more medication that night to help with the pain that had worsened since getting home. He stayed up until nine, reading some of the book. It was a good book and he definitely enjoyed it. It took him an hour to get to sleep that night, making it roughly ten o'clock when he fell to sleep. And although his back was in agony and he had to get up early for work the next morning, nothing could make Remus feel low. At least not until the day came around.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay wow it’s been awhile since I updated this, I’m sorry! I ran out of ideas and then I started writing two other chaptered fics (one of which has been deleted). Anyway!! I’ve set this a few weeks after their date and this is going to be the last chapter. I’m sorry if this upsets or disappoints you guys, but hopefully it won’t! Thank you all for reading this story, for the comments and kudos, they’ve all been things that have made me super happy!
> 
> Warning for death of a character (no one dies, they are already dead) and grief

_Three weeks later - Christmas Eve_

Sirius sat on the couch of the Potter’s, a glass of wine in his hand and Remus sat next to him. Christmas music plays as everyone socializes and drinks. The smell of food cooking is smelt throughout the house, James’ parents are round, and so are Lily’s. Petunia and Vernon turned down their invite, to no one’s surprise. Sirius always spends Christmas at Lily and James’, and this year Remus was invited as well. The two saw each other another two times before officially becoming a couple. James and Remus hit it off straight away - the two of them sharing a love for football (and both wanting the best for Sirius.) Harry’s running around the house in his little reindeer onesie, that James has taken at least twenty pictures of him in. Lily and James are talking in the kitchen with Lily’s parents - who know just as well as their daughter and her husband that Petenia is being childish about this situation. James’ parents are making sure that Harry doesn’t break anything. But before that, they had pulled Sirius to the side and told him that they were happy for him. Because he had found someone that they could tell made him happy and made him feel good about himself. Long story short, they approved of Remus. That was one of the contributing factors that made Sirius so happy. He checked the time on his watch, it was seven o’clock. Food wouldn’t be ready for half an hour, and so there was something he wanted to do.

“Remus,” he turned to look at him. “I need to go and do something. Will you come with me?” Remus nodded and stood up.

They told everyone they would be back in time for food, grabbed their jackets, Sirius got his bag, and they  exited the house. The wind outside was freezing, and blew against the couple with everything that it had. Sirius and Remus’ hands were together by their sides as they pushed through the strong wind, being sure not to slip on the icy pavement as they did so. They walked in silence, but Sirius leaned his head against Remus’ arm and Remus moved his hand out of Sirius’ and pulled him closer. When they were stood outside of the gates, Sirius stopped and took a deep breath.

“Are you okay to do this?”

Sirius nodded his head. “I do it every year. But I don’t think it makes it any easier.”

They walked through the gates and passed all of the graves. People had already been here, that being known because of the flowers, cards, and candles lit. Some people were still here, stood with family, friends, partners. It’s a gloomy place, but Sirius is glad that people remember their loved ones at this time of year. Alive or not. They walk for a few more minutes before they reach the grave Sirius needs to go to.

“I’ll stay here, you go do it.” Remus whispered, kissing Sirius’ cheek.

Sirius walks from the path, across the grass, and to his brother’s grave.

_Regulus Black_

_1992-2011_

_Son of Walburga and Orion Black, brother of Sirius Black._

__

Sirius knelt down, shaking hands taking his bag off of his shoulder and putting it next to him. He pulled out a picture in a frame - Sirius and Regulus when they were just children. Before everything got out of hand. They’re seven and five, wearing the dorkiest, ugliest Christmas sweaters ever. But they’re both smiling - something that turned into a rare thing to see in The house of Black. They’re smiling with their teeth, arms around each other’s shoulders. The photo was taken by their uncle. The photo’s set a year or so before everything started going downhill. Before the fighting and arguments. The kicking and screaming. Before Hogwarts. Before James. Before Sirius knew who he was and before Regulus couldn’t take it anymore. Sirius placed the photo frame in front of the gravestone before pulling out a card. On the front of the card, it reads ‘Happy Christmas!’ in swirled writing on a red background. Inside, the already printed ‘Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!’ has been crossed out and Sirius has written his own message inside.

 

_Dear Regulus,_

_This is now the fourth Christmas without you being here. And I miss you._

_Things just got worse after you left, and in one way I hate you for leaving but I can’t blame you for doing so. I just wish you hadn’t done it and made a less permanent way. You could of moved away, or something. But I know you did not have friends like I did. I hope you’re doing well, the only reason that I believe in heaven is because I hope that you’re there. It’s tragic that you did what you did but I love you and I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could come and talk to me about it._

_All my love, your older brother, Sirius._

 

He stands the card next to the photo frame and stands up, bag back on his shoulder. “Merry Christmas Regulus.”

They get back to the house just in time for food. Harry demands to sit between his ‘uncle’ Remus and godfather. James and Lily sit on the other side, Lily’s parents at the top of the table and James’ at the bottom. They say grace, before starting to eat. Sirius can’t help but smile as he eats. His surrounded by people that he cares about and people that return that feeling. Work’s going well for him - he just got a promotion. He’s settled down with Remus. And even if it has only been three weeks, it feels right. Like they’re meant for each other. Remus takes Sirius for who he is and Sirius takes Remus for who he is. Both of them have some sort of problems - but who doesn’t?

Later that night, after the lights have gone out and presents are under the tree. When everyone’s in bed, Sirius and Remus are laid in the guest room’s bed. Remus’ chest is bare and Sirius lays his hand over his heart to feel the beat. It’s a calming atmosphere, Sirius thinks as his eyes close. He feels Remus’ lips press against his head.

“Merry Christmas Sirius,” Is whispered into the darkness. “Here’s to us.”

Sirius’ lips curl up into a smile. “Here’s to us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was short but I hope it was okay. I felt like I needed to end this fanfiction, thank you for reading!
> 
> If you need to get in contact with me, my tumblr is jilyaredeaddoe.tumblr.com


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